A Christmas Ode to Midwives

As Christmas approaches, and the tale of an unassisted freebirth in a barn (to a virgin, no less!) is celebrated, I’d like to propose a toast to the midwives, who on Christmas Day, will sacrifice time with their own families, to help other families receive the most precious of Christmas gifts: brand new life.

This year, I am lucky enough to have been rostered a day off, to enjoy Christmas Day with my children, and to celebrate with Hot Husband for his birthday (for he WAS one of those wonderful Christmas gifts, some thirty five years ago).

But I know that my glorious friends and colleagues in the maternity ward will be right there in the thick of things, (most likely in festive hats) bringing comfort and joy to the families who need them, and helping those sweet little bundles to enter the world safely.

Given that being a midwife these days is rarely as simple as observing a natural birth in a barn, surrounded by donkeys, I’ve composed a little song, in honour of the amazing work that our midwives do, not just on Christmas Day, but day in and day out, 365 days a year. 

Sing it loud, and sing it proud!

The 12Days of Christmas (midwife style)

(To the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas)

On the first day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

A midwife watching the CTG.

On the second day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

2 Docs consulting, and a midwife watching the CTG.

On the third day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.

On the fourth day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

5 NOOORMAL BIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

6 partners pacing; 5 NOOOORMAL BIIIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.

On the seventh day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

7 epidurals; 6 partners pacing; 5 NOOOORMAL BIIIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG
.

On the eighth day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

8 foetal heartrates; 7 epidurals; 6 partners pacing; 5 NOOOORMAL BIIIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG
.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

9 families resting; 8 foetal heartrates; 7 epidurals; 6 partners pacing; 5 NOOOORMAL BIIIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.



On the tenth day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

10 babies, feeding; 9 families, resting; 8 foetal heartrates; 7 epidurals; 6 partners pacing; 5 NOOOORMAL BIIIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

11 chocolate thank-yous; 10 babies, feeding; 9 families, resting; 8 foetal heartrates; 7 epidurals; 6 partners pacing; 5 NOOOORMAL BIIIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Birth Suite gave to me:

12 well earned cuppas; 11 chocolate thank-yous; 10 babies, feeding; 9 families, resting; 8 foetal heartrates; 7 epidurals; 6 partners pacing; 5 NOOOORMAL BIIIIIIRTHS! 4 rapid Caesars; 3 mothers, pushing; 2 Docs consulting; and a midwife watching the CTG.

Merry Christmas to my wonderful midwifery friends, colleagues, and aquaintances, and to the incredible obstetric and ward staff who work alongside us, day in, day out. May your Christmas days be full of happy babies, normal traces, and at least one decent cuppa.

Big love,

Rysie.

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