Today marks 6 months since we said goodbye to our Pa.
6 months, that seem to have passed in the blink of an eye, yet with long and slow days where the grief, at times, took our breath away.
6 months of holding each other up, and sitting with the feelings, and allowing life to carry us forward, as we knew it had to do.
6 months of feeling so lucky, and heartbroken, and loved, and internally shredded, all at once.
6 months of missing him, every day, in different ways.
This whole experience has been a bittersweet learning curve for me in so many ways. As my entire world now sits tilted on a different axis, I’ve discovered myself emerging from grief’s depths (one, slow step at a time) with a heightened sense of clarity and perspective.
And it’s all about Time.
We can’t get it back, no matter how much we earn, how much we own, or how successful we are.
We can’t stop it moving forward, and we can’t control it as it slips past us, day by day.
However, we CAN choose how we spend it.
For me, this past six months has taught me that I need to invest my time wisely, where it matters most: with my family. As someone who has always over-booked, over-scheduled, over-structured everything, this has been quite the “lightbulb moment”.
This type-A over-achiever has had an epiphany: my time matters.
It matters, because the little things are big things.
It matters, because in the pursuit of big things, sometimes, I’ve allowed the little things to pass me by.
It matters, because once a moment is gone, it’s gone (the permanence of this only really struck me fully on this day 6 months ago).
It matters, because the memories we create are the only things that can buoy us through tsunamis of grief, when a loved one’s time is up.
Thus, one could say my priorities have shifted somewhat.
These days, if an event means missing out on a cuppa with my Nanna, well sorry, but I’m saying no. If I have to turn down an extra shift to spend a day at the beach with my babies, then that’s exactly what’s going to be happening. If I need to re-shuffle the calendar, and ignore the laundry pile entirely to spend a day with Hot Husband, guess what? That’s what I’m doing.
Because 6 months ago, I realised, that when all is said and done, all we have that really matters, is each other.
Everything else is superfluous, and replaceable, and I know most of us would trade it all in for just one more day with a loved one, passed.
Love your dear ones, as much as you can, every day.
Your time matters.